Thank you for being a valued member of our Coaching Family!

Adrianne & I want to take this opportunity to talk about your relationships. The truth is that an intimate relationship with one mate can be the most rewarding AND most challenging area of life. Some people are dreaming of finding that love of their life. Some have it and want to make it richer. And others may have all but given up.

In over 25 years of being a Relationship Coach & Marriage & Family Therapist I’ve discovered couples and individuals have got to ask the tough question like:

  • “How do you rekindle the passion when it’s gone?”
  • “What do I do when it’s my lovely wife who kicks me below the belt?”
  • “How do I find the person that’s right for me?”
  • and many more that deal with my definition of self and their blue prints for love.

Please allow me to cut right through to the truth. Well the truth is, most people don’t even know what passion is. How can you know when you’ve found something if you don’t know what you are looking for?

As a Neuro-Linguist, I typically start with the meaning of words. The misunderstanding of words is the cause of many human sufferings.

What does the word “passion” mean to you? More specifically, what do you see, hear, and feel when you think of the word “passion”? Whatever your definition… that’s what it means to you. Most people actually make mental definitions of “enthusiasm” instead of what passion actual is. They see, hear, and feel the idea of lovers who never fight, or a person who is always “loving”, and the idea of constant agreement with what they do.

The problem is, “passion” doesn’t mean that! The English word “passion” actually comes from the 12th century when someone coined it from the Greek work in the Bible describing the “suffering” of Christ. The word actually means “suffering” or “enduring”.

So, can you see why so many people have trouble with passion? Most people today are obsessed with comfort. They drink it, eat it, wear it, buy it. They expect it in their relationships and in their work life. If you seek comfort you can’t have passion, by definition. If you aren’t willing to suffer for a worthy ideal, you probably will never get it.

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

“A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live.”

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Remember, this doesn’t mean you MUST suffer. It means you must be WILLING to suffer. That your ideal for others is so joyful that some personal suffering is trivial in comparison. There’s a huge difference. Clearing up the language of your mind can have massive transformational effect on your life. I know, I do this work with people every day.

Those of you familiar with my work will hear the influence of David Deida, John Eldridge, Tony Robbins and of course Jesus in understanding the polarity of Masculine and Feminine Energy, Roles & Responsibilities in Relationships.

Love isn’t always in the air; it has to be demonstrated by actions. Demonstrating love is one of the most important ways spouses can experience Passion… and for that matter Jesus (1 John 4:7-12, Ephesians 5:22-28). Love changes the way we relate to people, and how we love others reveals our heart toward God and our willingness to have Passion (the willingness to push through even suffering) and Commitment (a distinct decision to never give up). You can have both… Passion & Commitment.

We invite you to Go beyond the marketed consumer version of Valentine’s Day, which tells you spending money on external things is what creates happiness, and instead deepen your understanding of your mate, or potential mate, in a way that actually causes love to flourish. The key is serving… listening… understanding… and putting their needs above your own. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about this in detail.

So here is our additional gift to you. Our 7 Ways to love your spouse on Valentine’s Day… Really, ALL Days.

  1. Start Small

Give to one another and out-serve each other (Ephesians 5:21). If your wife usually makes dinner and does the dishes, take over for the day. If your husband usually takes out the trash and runs errands, give him a day off. Taking on your spouse’s tasks puts love into action.

  1. Get Creative

Don’t give flowers and chocolates. Seriously men, you can do better than that. Prove how well you know your spouse by buying or making something more personal or more useful than a generic gift (unless, of course, your wife loves flowers and chocolates more than anything).

  1. Seduce One Another

God designed sex for husbands and wives. Married couples get to love and enjoy each other in committed intimacy that no other relationship offers. You are the only one who can love your spouse in that way. Love him or her well. (1 Corinthians 7:2-5, Song of Solomon 4:1-15, 5:10-16).

  1. Do Something

Give an experience, not a gift. Spend time rather than money. Do something new together, make a gourmet meal at home, or go somewhere you’ve never been. A card gets thrown away, but a shared memory continues for years to come.

  1. Say Something

Tell your spouse why you love him or her. There is great power in speaking honestly about what you admire about your spouse, face to face. Words of affirmation go a long way to reinforce simple “I Love Yous” (Proverbs 16:24).

  1. Write Something

Who says Hallmark has the corner on romantic, sentimental cards? Write your own card instead of buying one. Tell your spouse what you love about him or her. Write the story of how you felt when you first met.

  1. Give Reminders

Send a few text messages or emails throughout the day. Leave a few notes around the house. Show your husband or wife how romantic you can be. When spouses remind each other how much they are loved, it facilitates better communication on other subjects, too.

We would love to hear from you. Tell us how you spent your Valentine’s Day and Purposefully Made your Romantic Holiday one to Remember!

Keith M Waggoner